Originally written for 030tango in 2016.
“I’ve never gotten the hang of this cabeceo thing.”
Many tango dancers will recognise this statement. Even the advanced dancer who uses the cabeceo all the time has experienced that it sometimes can lead to strange and funny situations. If you’re a beginner dancer, though, you might not have heard of it yet. So I’ve put together a guide in order to demystify the concept a bit. I’ve also added a couple of extra tips and tricks if you’re already using the cabeceo.
1) What is it?
In short, the cabeceo is a way of inviting someone to dance in tango. Instead of walking up to someone to ask verbally, you just catch the person’s eye and make a non-verbal invitation / agreement with your head. The custom originated in Buenos Aires, but it’s becoming increasingly more common in Europe. Some events even ask that the cabeceo should be the only way of asking someone to dance.
2) What does it mean?
Cabeceo is a noun and means “nod”. It’s related to “cabeza”, which means head. As you will see below, though, the cabeceo can’t really happen without the mirada, which means “look”. Since we live in the age of phrase-shortening, we often say only “cabeceo” instead of “mirada and cabeceo”, but using both words describes the concept better.
3) How do we do it?
When you have decided who you’d like to dance with, you try to establish eye contact. This is the mirada. If both parties keep the eye contact, it means that you are interested in dancing with each other, and then (traditionally) the man will incline his head towards the dance floor, and the woman will nod if she agrees to dance. This nod is the cabeceo and this is what seals the deal. At this point, the man will go and fetch the lady. Both men and women can do the mirada, which means that also the woman is active in indicating who she wants to dance with, also by looking away when she doesn’t want to dance.
4) How do we *not* do it?
The most important thing to remember is basically this: there’s a difference between showing your interest and engaging in a staring contest. If the person you are trying to invite doesn’t respond – or especially if (s)he looks at you, then looks away – don’t continue staring. Try again later instead. Also keep a respectful distance – don’t walk very close to someone and start ogling them. Especially do not install yourself directly in front of someone and stare, because this is in practice the same as a verbal invitation. If you are sitting very close to your object of desire, you might want to get up and do the mirada from a bit of a distance. In my experience, though, a close-range cabeceo can be nice if done carefully and discreetly – especially when you know the person that you are inviting.
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That’s about it.
Oh, and a quick note from the language department: Only one A, please: ca-bE-cE-o.